It wasn’t a dark cold shivery night

With leaves swirling around with the wind

Cool breeze, calming my anxious nerves

When I felt this way,

Just a normal day among the bunch of people

Blaming me insane, for the curse filled pain

Heaviest with unuttered words, bright sunny day 

When i felt this way, 

I just could helplessly stare to people, wandering around

Wondering who else’s been going,  though the same but looks perfectly fine

Hoping to be understood, a complete numb I  became

When i felt this way, 

I wasn’t out of words, but had so much that I couldn’t say

Fear of judgment, fear of being misunderstood followed me every place 

If only I could speak what I feel, I wouldn’t have

Felt this way,

I was clenching my nails to the walls

Pulling the sheets out

Scratching my hair all

Screaming till I ran out of breath

My bad, no one was able to hear

When I felt this way,

Been over starving or intentionally starving

Been quiet and just to myself

Been overreacting to every little thing I  felt

Been tired even after just having a nap

My bad, no one was able to hear

When I felt this way,

My loudest silence

There are some things, emotions, feelings which have been stressing me out

At times, you really are all alone when you can’t say out loud

You keep living inside the dark abyss of your thoughts

Leading to nowhere but destruction of  your own self

It was unbearable

When I felt this way,

It’s a scary world with fairy stories

Telling our mind fake perfect beauty

Broken promises to broken heart 

No one talks about how this is not an art

People hiding their true self just to be accepted around

Remaining silent to hide the loudest silence

When I felt this way // Rimsha Jawwad

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