So long, no writing. The last time I wrote for this platform was back in October 2019. My Article “Teenage Pain” was trending on No. 1 for Mental Health for 2-3 months with over 1000 likes and was the Top post of Meraki Magazine. I chose Meraki because it gave me the freedom to write, restricting me to no limits.
I was so happy when I found this platform as it allowed me to become a published author without being tangled and charged thousands. I never expected my article to have any success, but I just wanted to write and put something out there to do justice to my inner passion for writing, which I suppressed and choked under the burden of becoming a doctor.
Okay, I know you all must be bored until now, listening to me about my past article and must be like DUDE!! Something NEW!! So here I go with Why Am I writing again after so long, what pushed me? After writing my previous article and seeing that people were interested in my writing, I got so happy and wanted to write more, but guess what? Literally, after two days My article was published my exams began, I got done with them, I wanted to write, but the school decided to start the next semester the very day after the exams finished, and trust me they announced of pre mocks being held within 20 days of that.
Till I got done with that, Mocks and boards had already approached me. Board Exams got canceled because of the pandemic. Now till my mocks, I got through all of these sheets of paper without failing Alhamdulillah, at least with average marks, but what did I miss?
I lost my passion for writing; I lost my mental and physical health so much that four months into quarantine, and still, I am exhausted. Yeah, yeah, you can call lazy but hear me out first. Several days of doing nothing but yet not the will to write. WHY? Because In Pakistan, students do not get educated but virtually murdered. Yes. So I am studying to become a doctor but did I want it? No! Do I want it? Yes? Why? Well, when I was 8-10, and my parents started to tell me that they want me to become a doctor because
“Tumhari AMMA doctor hain, sari phupho ko Dekho, sab doctor hain.”
But I told them That I was not interested. At this point, they were not harsh on me related to this, and I dreamt of traveling to space and discovering what is outside this world.
Ap Hasangay aur kahangay k Pakistan me rehti ho,larki ho aur space me jayingi
But I was a child back then, and I did not know the bitter truth of society. Life went on until I got in grade 8, and things got serious. My parents told me extremely strictly that.
“Ab bas parho, doctor Banna hai tumhay!”
And I was like NO! I had grown up, and I was passionate about astronomy and media sciences. I wanted to apply for media sciences and work with intellectual people, so I went to my parents and told them my dream.
“Mamma Mujhe Bahar Jana hai, Oxford me parhna hai aur phir Media Sciences k liye apply Karna hai.”
And for the first time, my mother shouted at me fiercely and said
“media karke kar humari badnami karwani hai?
And it was barely not just this statement but the insult of my passion, my dream. I was straight away taken to my father for being outspoken, ill-mannered, and having the thinking of bringing shame to my family. My phupho came one day, and right in front of me told me, father,
“Bhai, beti bigar gayi, sambhal lo.”
Me being a thirteen year old, I was like, what did I do? And from there it began, constant disputes, screaming, crying, between my mother and me. I told her that If I am not interested in something, How can I be successful in it which you guys want me to be, I won’t be able to do it. One day I screamed with tears dripping down my face, and shortness of breath hit me “ I would fail, I will lose my life” But no one listened.
The interaction between my family and me changed. My parents did not talk to me anymore, just used to use statements to make me realize that “parho,” and from that Day, I realized Dreams lesser than being a Doctor Or Engineer is a Shame. I went into depression for eight months and stopped talking to anyone. I Just used to cry internally did not matter. My father felt ill, and my mother was always so frustrated and told me one thing only,
“Tumharay siwa humara koi sahara nahi, humein ruswa na karna.”
At this stage, I had already let go of all my interests. I hated to think about them. Remember I told my mother I would lose my life, I did. To this day, I do not like to smile; I do not make any friends, nor do people like a worn-out personality like me.
Depression left its symptoms on me, I am always somehow stressed, and under pressure situations, I tend to run out of breath and shiver terribly. I have become very impulsive and the biggest changes My parents just scream at me, though they put in their life in educating me but the gap that has been created between us has taken away the beauty of the relation. My mother does not like talking and sharing things with me because she thinks that I will always come up with the worst and different opinions.
Life is beautiful but it can be worn out if exploration stops. Today, I have spoken on behalf of Millions of students, the same story, the same dull life, the same tears of dreams being taken away But Remember Parents are our priority, do whatever, as much you can do for them, even if it takes something away from you because Remember Allah loves those who serve their parents endlessly and always respects them.