“Today is your lucky day”, a horoscope page on Instagram says. I scrolled through a few more horoscope posts to know what is keeping us apart because dad used to believe in them, and now I do. Maybe like me, he too lost the hope and tried to find himself in stars. After all, we all are stardust, sooner or later we have to turn into ashes.
I closed my Instagram and opened WhatsApp in that hope of a reply from you, but I came across nothing new there but my last message same, blue ticks same, and your ignorance, same.
I waited for a few moments too see if you are online or not. You were online; I assured myself you must be busy. You have work to do, files to compile, report to make as well.
I went back to the horoscope page, and read your horoscope, nothing unusual there. It said, “you have a blooming year, the money will grow, and your planets are perfectly aligned”, just as mine yet we are walking on two different paths. We are falling apart, and this horoscope lying too, for sure now. Just like the way dad lied to me and to himself.
Maybe he knew when we are supposed to fall, but then we needed a little hope to make that bearable and a little courage to accept it.
Since the day mom went in coma, dad lost the courage to stand. He lost the way that led back to home. Now, all the day he reads horoscope, meditates and believes in mind frequencies. The day when he tired to kill mom, he told me “it’s is better to kill the hope before hope kills you”.
I didn’t get his words at that time, but it makes sense now. We all are afaird of those small rays of light at the end of tunnel that keeps pulling us, while we complete ourselves before we could reach that point.
I opened my WhatsApp because my focus, like a normal human was too on that small flick of light, and as usual, there was no message, it was all dead, silenced. “Turn off your phone, nurse said, cancer patients aren’t allowed to use phone”. Umang