I have a few questions. I am shivering. I feel guilty. I feel vulnerable. I need answers and I need you.
This reflection that looks perfect to others, why did it scare me today? it was not distorted in any way, it was perfect. But haunting. The eyes, though big and blue, looked like black holes/ the lips, though glossy and plump, had multiple cracks. The hands, though toned and gorgeous, limped at the sides. The legs, though long and straight, felt wobbly. I realized something was missing. I realized that something was you. The question is how long have you been gone?
I used to see blood on my hands. The nightmares would never let me sleep. Keeping me awake. My mind struggled to find the victim. My heart cried out of fear. I wanted to hear your voice. You’ve always calmed me. But you weren’t there. I tried to find you. Searched you in the darkest of places. Looked for you In the stars. Dug the grounds of hope. You remained silent as a corpse. It hit me then. It hit me hard. The question is, are you hiding or did I kill you?
But I know you are not in the skies or in the grounds. In the stars of in the clouds. You are inside me. The depth of your grave is never-ending. Either you are hiding or you are buried. That I have already asked but now the question is, are you inside me because you feel safe there or because you want to torture me.
I know you are like a wildfire. Ablaze and roaring. You are the majestic ocean. Wild and refreshing. You are the cold air. Pure and soothing. I want to make some requests. Will you light me up with the fire? Will you wash my sins with the ocean? Will you make me fly with the air?
I have realized I am nothing without you. I have accepted I am ugly without you. But I know you need me too. You want me. You want to show yourself through me. So come back and make me alive. Let’s survive in this world together. and don’t leave me till the time when my body lies in the grave. But the question is will you come back or will I be lifeless till I lie in my grave?