The Lost Faith
“It’s over between us!”
I raised my eyes to meet her. I didn’t see this coming. Shocked, distressed, biting my lips,
“How can she do this? What’s wrong with her? What happened?” These questions invaded my mind one after the other but, I was tongue-tied. Not even a whisper. I was breathing heavily, and I could actually feel the pain, deep down inside my chest right exactly where the heart is. But, I wasn’t sure if it’s there anymore. I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my soft, pink flesh so deep and hard that a tiny drop of blood fell on the grass. The grass where
just a few days back while laying down under the starry sky, fireflies fluttering around us, “Do you believe in “Forever”? I had asked.
“Not forever, but yeah always!” The answer had come. “What exactly is the difference?”
“I am not living forever, there is no forever. Everything has an end. But, until I am breathing I’ll have your back always, I have you for tolerating my tantrums, I have you for ignoring my blunders, correcting my mistakes, loving me, always bearing me when even I know I am unbearable. So yeah, my always, my constant is you” She had said, and I had hugged her so Tight.
Lies, white lies. Except the part that everything has an end. I shook my head, as if that will shed off these thoughts. Deep down I knew I would have to let her go. I don’t know where, when, how and what went wrong but one thing is clear, even if I try I won’t be able to stop that one person I love the most. The person with whom I have spent nights wide awake, watching TV series one after the other without yawning even after being so sleepy, just because that was her favorite show and she was feeling low.
The person for whom I went trekking even after being acrophobic. The person whose coffee is the worst in the whole wide world but I have been drinking it since the time I can’t even recall, because we have been together since always. Or at least that is how it feels like. My movie date even though a queue of boys always waited for both of us to say yes to them for once at least. My “MY PERSON”, besides being a Joey since birth, the only person I could share my food with. A symbol of The Lost Faith.
Now here she was, standing in front of me. Now she looked so different, she looked a kind of stranger I had known all my life. She looked everything but mine, everything but “My Person.” And there is nothing I could do about it because; there was no problem o be solved, no fight to resolve, no statement or argument to justify. Me and her; the two best friends,
besides being always there for each other are drifting apart just like that. The wind that once used to mess up with our hair while we tried to do gardening, now is blowing in two different directions, towards two different paths. We are now standing on a crossroad knowing there is no way we will choose the same road to move ahead. This friendship, this family broke just
like that, without any warning. I felt that the time traveler we once rode together while holidaying in US, is now taking us to two different time zones, two different destinations, without the traces of the other person. Lost in all these thoughts, I saw her leaving, withoutgiving any answer or justification, still abiding to the rule of our friendship that “nothing needs to be justified.” She took away the smile, the talks, the laugh, the joy, the peace. She left; taking away everything she could even my faith in friendship and family, without giving
even a pinch of hope.
All she left was a void; a void that can’t ever be filled! But, she gave me one more thing; my faith in my own self. She gave me the reason to be independent, the reason to be there for “me”. Because after losing my best friend, I fell on the grass, the grass etched with memories and the tears cascaded; gradually fainting all those moments. The pain consumed me and I could not even scream because there was no energy left in me. The Lost Faith
That was the day I lost so many of my pieces and now, now is the day I am holding a pen, fidgeting with my hair; busy on a trip down the memory lane. When it’s over, I pat my cheek to feel the tears but, there weren’t any. Today I have all my pieces back, writing down the final year essay on the topic “THE TURNING POINT”, remembering that day with the exact
details. Because after all those shattered pieces, I had faith in myself still left and that lead to stitching them back together with love and strength.
I emerged stronger. Just like Fawkes; my favorite bird from my favorite series, I was burnt to ashes and I rose from them. My faith in friendship was replaced by the trust I now have on myself. My faith in always was replaced by just a ray of hope, a hope that today can be different and if not, I still have a tomorrow waiting for me to hug it.
I still cherish all the photos and cards I have of my long lost best friend but, without the cascade!!!!
// The Lost Faith