They said they cared about me. They said they loved me. So why is it that every time I tried to tell them how I’ve been feeling for the past couple of days, they turned a blind eye to every tear that fell from my eye? I was only a friend or a lover when they needed something from me.
I sat at the edge of the bed with a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand.
Is it all over? I thought
is this the end?
No one would care if I disappear tomorrow. No one would be hurt. My absence will go unnoticed. Nobody would miss me. In the end, I’ll remain as a forgotten memory in the hearts of those who once claimed to love me but failed to save me. I wept. As I sobbed, I thought about the life I had before I was broken. Those were some of the most beautiful days of my life, it’s been so long since I’ve felt something. The happiest days of my life were spent with my grandfather who passed away when I was fourteen years old. I remembered the words he once told me:
"pain will accumulate your heart when the world breaks you down and pushes you on your ground when friends turn into foes and lovers turn into strangers when moments turn into memories and sadness turns into numbness when all hope seems lost and there seems to be no way out remember god always remember God follow his light it will never lead you astray and he will always guide you where you truly belong to with whom you truly belong.
and before you ask me about anything or anyone let me tell you something God isn't someone who will judge you God isn't someone who will betray you God isn't someone who will leave you alone he will hold you, comfort you and remind you that you are loved because he made you you are a part of him and he does not need you you need him. and remember my darling when you feel as though you don't have a purpose in this world when you feel nothing but pain and you are about to give up to the demons in your mind hold your hand and place it on your heart it's beating for a reason you have been given this precious gift called life.
you might be somebody's reason to smile you might be somebody's definition of love you might be a rainbow in somebody's grey and dull life you might be the reason somebody survived you might be the reason they wake up every morning maybe your purpose isn't to end up famous or a billionaire maybe your purpose is to offer a shoulder to cry on to a lonely person maybe your purpose is to mend somebody's broken heart maybe your purpose is to heal someone maybe your purpose is to inspire someone maybe your purpose is to create memories that somebody can cherish for as long as they live do good but don't expect it to come back to you do selfless sacrifice without expecting anything in return because we can do these small things with great love and they'll matter no matter how small and insignificant they seem to you but to somebody else they'll mean the world"
I got up from the cold floor and looked into the mirror dropping the bottle on the floor spilling all of the tablets. I felt like I’ve just woken up from a terrible dream. I looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize the person staring back at me. I wasn’t always like this. I used to be strong. What happened to me? I wiped my tears with the back of my hands and let out a sigh. Life is not unfair, because everyone goes through some difficulties that absolutely changes them in some way. It could be a loss, failure or depression. It could be anything. Everyone has it rough, that is the number one rule of the universe.
At the end of the day, it is the little things that matter: a good book, a warm cup of coffee, a good laugh with your friends, a lighthearted movie, a kiss in the rain, a warm hug on a cold night of December and a faded memory from the past that brings a smile on your face and fills your heart with warmth. I placed my hand on my chest, feeling the beat of my broken little heart. I remembered my grandfather’s words and they saved my life. Strange, how words can impact a person’s life. They can either save him or kill him. But who knows what might happen tomorrow.
As long as there is life, there is hope. There is always hope.
Little Things of life // Eman Khalid