They said they cared about me. They said they loved me. So why is it that every time I tried to tell them how I’ve been feeling for the past couple of days, they turned a blind eye to every tear that fell from my eye? I was only a friend or a lover when they needed something from me.

I sat at the edge of the bed with a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand. 

Is it all over? I thought

is this the end? 

No one would care if I disappear tomorrow. No one would be hurt. My absence will go unnoticed. Nobody would miss me. In the end, I’ll remain as a forgotten memory in the hearts of those who once claimed to love me but failed to save me. I wept. As I sobbed, I thought about the life I had before I was broken. Those were some of the most beautiful days of my life, it’s been so long since I’ve felt something. The happiest days of my life were spent with my grandfather who passed away when I was fourteen years old. I remembered the words he once told me:

"pain will accumulate your heart
when the world breaks you down
and pushes you on your ground
when friends turn into foes
and lovers turn into strangers
when moments turn into memories 
and sadness turns into numbness
when all hope seems lost
and there seems to be no way out
remember god
always remember God
follow his light
it will never lead you astray 
and he will always guide you
where you truly belong to
with whom you truly belong.
and before you ask me 
about anything or anyone
let me tell you something
God isn't someone who will judge you
God isn't someone who will betray you
God isn't someone who will leave you alone
he will hold you,
comfort you
and remind you 
that you are loved
because he made you
you are a part of him
and he does not need you
you need him.

and remember my darling
when you feel as though
you don't have a purpose in this world
when you feel nothing but pain
and you are about to give up
to the demons in your mind
hold your hand and place it on your heart
it's beating for a reason
you have been given this precious gift
called life.
you might be somebody's reason to smile
you might be somebody's definition of love
you might be a rainbow in somebody's grey and dull life
you might be the reason somebody survived
you might be the reason they wake up every morning
maybe your purpose isn't to end up famous or a billionaire
maybe your purpose is to offer a shoulder to cry on to a lonely person
maybe your purpose is to mend somebody's broken heart 
maybe your purpose is to heal someone
maybe your purpose is to inspire someone 
maybe your purpose is to create memories
that somebody can cherish for as long as they live

do good but don't expect it to come back to you
do selfless sacrifice without expecting anything in return

because we can do these small things with great love
and they'll matter
no matter how small and insignificant they seem to you
but to somebody else they'll mean the world"

I got up from the cold floor and looked into the mirror dropping the bottle on the floor spilling all of the tablets. I felt like I’ve just woken up from a terrible dream. I looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize the person staring back at me. I wasn’t always like this. I used to be strong. What happened to me? I wiped my tears with the back of my hands and let out a sigh. Life is not unfair, because everyone goes through some difficulties that absolutely changes them in some way. It could be a loss, failure or depression. It could be anything. Everyone has it rough, that is the number one rule of the universe.

At the end of the day, it is the little things that matter: a good book, a warm cup of coffee, a good laugh with your friends, a lighthearted movie, a kiss in the rain, a warm hug on a cold night of December and a faded memory from the past that brings a smile on your face and fills your heart with warmth. I placed my hand on my chest, feeling the beat of my broken little heart. I remembered my grandfather’s words and they saved my life. Strange, how words can impact a person’s life. They can either save him or kill him. But who knows what might happen tomorrow. 

As long as there is life, there is hope. There is always hope.

Little Things of life // Eman Khalid

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