Little Things of life // Eman Khalid

They said they cared about me. They said they loved me. So why is it that every time I tried to tell them how I’ve been feeling for the past couple of days, they turned a blind eye to every tear that fell from my eye? I was only a friend or a lover when they needed something from me.

I sat at the edge of the bed with a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand. 

Is it all over? I thought

is this the end? 

No one would care if I disappear tomorrow. No one would be hurt. My absence will go unnoticed. Nobody would miss me. In the end, I’ll remain as a forgotten memory in the hearts of those who once claimed to love me but failed to save me. I wept. As I sobbed, I thought about the life I had before I was broken. Those were some of the most beautiful days of my life, it’s been so long since I’ve felt something. The happiest days of my life were spent with my grandfather who passed away when I was fourteen years old. I remembered the words he once told me:

“pain will accumulate your heart

when the world breaks you down

and pushes you on your ground

when friends turn into foes

and lovers turn into strangers

when moments turn into memories 

and sadness turns into numbness

when all hope seems lost

and there seems to be no way out

remember god

always remember God

follow his light

it will never lead you astray 

and he will always guide you

where you truly belong to

with whom you truly belong.

and before you ask me 

about anything or anyone

let me tell you something

God isn’t someone who will judge you

God isn’t someone who will betray you

God isn’t someone who will leave you alone

he will hold you,

comfort you

and remind you 

that you are loved

because he made you

you are a part of him

and he does not need you

you need him.

and remember my darling

when you feel as though

you don’t have a purpose in this world

when you feel nothing but pain

and you are about to give up

to the demons in your mind

hold your hand and place it on your heart

it’s beating for a reason

you have been given this precious gift

called life.

you might be somebody’s reason to smile

you might be somebody’s definition of love

you might be a rainbow in somebody’s grey and dull life

you might be the reason somebody survived

you might be the reason they wake up every morning

maybe your purpose isn’t to end up famous or a billionaire

maybe your purpose is to offer a shoulder to cry on to a lonely person

maybe your purpose is to mend somebody’s broken heart 

maybe your purpose is to heal someone

maybe your purpose is to inspire someone 

maybe your purpose is to create memories

that somebody can cherish for as long as they live

do good but don’t expect it to come back to you

do selfless sacrifice without expecting anything in return

because we can do these small things with great love

and they’ll matter

no matter how small and insignificant they seem to you

but to somebody else they’ll mean the world”

I got up from the cold floor and looked into the mirror dropping the bottle on the floor spilling all of the tablets. I felt like I’ve just woken up from a terrible dream. I looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize the person staring back at me. I wasn’t always like this. I used to be strong. What happened to me? I wiped my tears with the back of my hands and let out a sigh. Life is not unfair, because everyone goes through some difficulties that absolutely changes them in some way. It could be a loss, failure or depression. It could be anything. Everyone has it rough, that is the number one rule of the universe. At the end of the day, it is the little things that matter: a good book, a warm cup of coffee, a good laugh with your friends, a lighthearted movie, a kiss in the rain, a warm hug on a cold night of December and a faded memory from the past that brings a smile on your face and fills your heart with warmth. I placed my hand on my chest, feeling the beat of my broken little heart. I remembered my grandfather’s words and they saved my life. Strange, how words can impact a person’s life. They can either save him or kill him. But who knows what might happen tomorrow. 

As long as there is life, there is hope. 

There is always hope.

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Zainab Naghman
Zainab Naghman

Let’s find our purpose and always be hopeful !