I wonder if I am a Hypocrite // Misbah Ahmed

I wonder if I am a Hypocrite // Misbah Ahmed

            “And the air was full of thoughts to say but at times like these only the small things are ever said big things lurks unsaid inside.”

    – Arundhati Roy

I wonder if I am a hypocrite,

For I possess all the traits,

I preach love,

I sing of strength,

With words and rhymes,

And verses of length,

But I push myself in storm,

Losing every wit or calm,

I lose the sight of thinking straight,

I wonder if I am a hypocrite,

For I possess all the traits.

I paint the brightest yellow,

The sky tone blue of mellow,

I swing the words from the dead to red,

I preach to paint the happy head,

But I hide the blacks and greys to soul,

And lure me to a clenching bait,

I wonder if I am a hypocrite,

For I possess all the traits.

To speak out loud the memories that haunt,

To cry out loud failed waters of flaunt,

I am all for this and that, that hurts,

For it frees YOU out from girt,

And I struggle to grasp the air while,

I let the darkest of memories to pile,

The guilt, the shame that I don’t deserve,

The scream, the trail I cannot swerve,

I let myself drown with the weight,

To the sink of the bed where silence awaits,

I wonder if I am a hypocrite,

For I possess all the traits.