Dear Men, Crying and emotions don’t make you weak but more of a human. Yours lovingly, Women.
Men don’t cry
Sshhh…be a MAN and stop crying.”
“Hush.. be a MAN, this doesn’t hurt boys that much”
“Shooo… MEN aren’t supposed to cry!”
And the next expected dialogue should be, “men are robots with no right of expressing their emotions of pain and hurt”.
This is the societal perspective about the emotional strength of a man, which seems totally false!
Just think for a moment, have you ever wondered why a person cries?
If we look at the science of the human brain, there is a neuronal connection between the tear duct (lacrimal gland) of the human eye and the emotion-sensing area of the human brain.
When a person is in pain, the impulse is sent to the brain, which acts as a stimulus and consequently, the year duct forms the tears.
This is a natural phenomenon.
So, dear men if you’re suppressing your emotions, yours moving against the law of nature and that means you’ll have to face consequences in the near future. Yes!
Look closely, if you keep masking your feelings, they bottle up inside you causing a lot of mental pressure and continued stress.
As a result, the person can not function efficiently, he’ll eventually feel tired no matter how good he is at keeping things in his chest.
Crying out, speaking, blurting out are all those outlets that provide relief to a person.
Now this relief might be short term or long term, which varies from individual to individual but is definitely helpful.
The dilemma is, our society considers ‘crying’ as a sign of weakness.
And since the so-called society sees ‘men’ as strong, brave individuals they have engraved this idea in the minds of people that ‘men don’t cry’.
This is such a dangerous perspective I suppose.
It reveals much about where the society has placed men and women and what a false meaning of strength it carved in our social framework.
Clearly, a strong person will cry, will express his emotions of grief and pain.
If he’s not ‘allowed’ to show his true self, all the stress he’s absorbing within himself will weaken his emotional foundations. A strong person doesn’t feel ashamed of asking for help. He asks for it for his own well being and for the well being of those who need him.
Crying does not symbolize weakness. It takes courage to allow yourself to feel the emotions that bother you. It takes strength to open up yourself. It takes a big heart to accept reality and accept how you feel towards the situation.
I remember when I was little and I used to play with my younger brother, we cried when we got injured.
Whereas I always heard, “she’s a girl, she’ll feel it more”.
If this element is introduced among the children at such a young age, what lesson are we giving them for the future?
Boys are told to keep their mouths shut and not talk about their pain, whereas girls are allowed to express but the irony is they are girls so they can feel it, we never give them solutions.
Now my brother is a growing teenager, he doesn’t cry. He refuses to eat when he’s hurt, he quits laughing. He knots up his emotions within him.
What good will this do to him? Is this a healthy strategy to cope up with a certain situation? No!
Who would we blame for this sort of emotional molding of our youngsters? The society, right. And who’s the society?
We. We are the society. We need to undergo Mr. Gandhi’s one golden sentence
, “be the change you wish to see in this world”.Gandhi
Until we don’t accept that men are not robots but humans, and humans should actually be treated like humans, we are doing no good in this world.
The other day my cousins were playing, the little boys and girls laughing one moment and fighting the very next minute. After a while, I heard one little boy crying. And surprisingly my immediate response was, “little man, you’re a brave boy, don’t cry” That moment I realized how much this idea of men don’t cry is deep-rooted in our minds.
Next time I saw him pretending to be brave by not crying provoke the thought within me. He started bottling up his emotions. This little experience taught me how all the boys out they are under continuous pressure of don’t cry, don’t show, and be brave.
Whereas the idea of strength and bravery should be, be brave, be vulnerable, be soft, feel things, and be you. You, and I and all of us urgently need to end this dilemma. We need to understand that men can have anxiety, depression, panic attacks. Men can be sad, tired, physically weak.
Men can be sensitive. Men can cry. Men can be soft. God Didn’t stamp men as stone-hearted or hardcore creatures. God gave them the sensation of an array of emotions too.
He gave this to every living creature. Even the animals express themselves, then why are ‘men’ not allowed to be themselves?
Men can go to the therapist. Men can freely speak about pain. Men can be expressive and still be strong, brave and as you call them- ‘manly’.
The greatest man, PBUH, also cried in pain.
He cried when the purest lady Hazrat Khadija RA, his wife, died. He cried when he felt helpless and prayed to the Lord for his ummah.
He was not weak! He was the strongest and endured every single hardship, then how can crying make you weak!
Who the heck is the society to stop boys from expressing and crying and feeling anything they feel? Be the big boy and you can still cry.
Be the father but you can still shed tears. Be a man, be a gentleman.
Live freely, with the freedom of expression and Independence of being you. And all the females out there, we need to let men be themselves, let men live freely too.
Dear Men Do Cry and that doesn’t make them weak.
By Ayesha Anwer